Anecdotes related to Software Testing

The jester testers 1

jokes about software testers and software testing

Question: How many software testers does it take to change a light bulb?

Answer: None. Software testers just noticed that the room was dark. Testers don't fix the problems, they just find them.

Question: How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

Answer: What's the problem? The bulb at my desk works fine!

Q: How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: NONE! That's a hardware problem....

Question: How many internet marketers does it takes to change a lightbulb?

Answer: They'll reveal the answer to you in a $47 ebook..

But how many Microsoft employees does it actually take to change a lightbulb? [By Eric Lippert]
  • One developer to spend five minutes implementing ChangeLightBulbWindowHandleEx.
  • One program manager (PM) to write the specification.
  • One localization expert to review the specification for localizability issues.
  • One usability expert to review the specification for accessibility and usability issues.
  • At least one dev, one tester, and one PM to brainstorm security vulnerabilities.
  • One PM to add the security model to the specification. 136 The Best Software Writing I 2. Dev = developer = an actual computer programmer – Ed.
  • One tester to write the test plan.
  • One test lead to update the test schedule.
  • One tester to write the test cases and add them to the nightly automation.
  • Three or four testers to participate in an ad hoc bug bash.
  • One technical writer to write the documentation.
  • One technical reviewer to proofread the documentation.
  • One copy editor to proofread the documentation.
  • One documentation manager to integrate the new documentation into the existing body of text, update tables of contents, indexes, etc.
  • Twenty-five translators to translate the documentation and error messages into all the languages supported by Windows. The managers for the translators live in Ireland (European languages) and Japan (Asian languages), which are both severely time-shifted from Redmond,3 so dealing with them can be a fairly complex logistical problem.
  • A team of senior managers to coordinate all these people, write the checks, and justify the costs to their vice president.
    When you have an "I hate my job" day try this: On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section. You will need to purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson and Johnson. Be very sure you get this brand. When you get home, lock your doors, draw the drapes, and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed during your therapy. Change to very comfortable clothing, such as a sweat suit and lie down on your bed. Open the package and remove the thermometer. Carefully place it on the bedside table so that it will not become chipped or broken. Take out the material that comes with the thermometer and read it. You will notice that in small print there is a statement: "Every rectal thermometer made by Johnson and Johnson is personally tested. " Now close your eyes and repeat out loud five times: "I am so glad I do not work for quality control at the Johnson and Johnson Company. "
    A group of managers were given the assignment to measure the height of a flagpole. So they go out to the flagpole with ladders and tape measures, and they're falling off the ladders, dropping the tape measures - the whole thing is just a mess. A tester comes along and sees what they're trying to do, walks over, pulls the flagpole out of the ground, lays it flat, measures it from end to end, gives the measurement to one of the managers and walks away.
    After the tester has gone, one manager turns to another and laughs. "Isn't that just like a tester, we're looking for the height and he gives us the length."

    A man piloting a hot air balloon discovers he has wandered off course and is hopelessly lost. He descends to a lower altitude and locates a man down on the ground. He lowers the balloon further and shouts "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"
    The man below says: "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, about 30 feet above this field."
    "You must work in Information Technology," says the balloonist.
    "Yes I do," replies the man. "And how did you know that?"
    "Well," says the balloonist, "what you told me is technically correct, but of no use to anyone." The man below says, "You must work in management."
    "I do," replies the balloonist, "how did you know?"
    "Well," says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect my immediate help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault!"
    A mechanical, electrical and a software engineer from Microsoft were driving through the desert when the car broke down. The mechanical engineer said "It seems to be a problem with the fuel injection system, why don't we pop the hood and I'll take a look at it." To which the electrical engineer replied, "No I think it's just a loose ground wire, I'll get out and take a look." Then, the Microsoft engineer jumps in. "No, no, no. If we just close up all the windows, get out, wait a few minutes, get back in, and then reopen the windows everything will work fine."

    The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
    The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
    The graduate with an Accounting degree Asks, "How much will it cost?"
    The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

    A bus station is where a bus stops.
    A train station is where a train stops.
    On my desk I have a work station...
    Reaching the end of a job interview, the human resources person asked a young engineer fresh out of Stanford,
    "And what starting salary were you looking for?"
    The engineer said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."
    The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years - say, a red Corvette?"
    The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?"
    And the interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it."
    1) Project Manager is a Person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in One month.
    2) Developer is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a Baby.
    3) Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.
    4) Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby.
    5) Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.
    6) Resource Optimization Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; they'll produce a child with zero resources.
    7) Documentation Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, they'll just document 9 months.
    8) Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with the PROCESS to Produce a baby.
    9) Tester is a person who always tells his wife that this is not the Right baby

    10 Signs You Might Be Working At IBM
    by David Letterman
    10 You lecture the neighbourhood kids selling lemonade on ways to improve their process.
    9 You get all excited when it's Saturday so you can wear shorts to work.
    8 You refer to the tomatoes grown in your garden as deliverables.
    7 You find you really need PowerPoint to explain what you do for a living.
    6 You normally eat out of vending machines and at the most expensive restaurant in town within the same week.
    5 You think that "progressing an action plan" and "calendarizing a project" are acceptable English phrases.
    4 You know the people at Marriott hotels better than your next-door neighbours.
    3 You ask your friends to "think outside the box" when making Friday night plans.
    2 You think Einstein would have been more effective had he put his ideas into a matrix.
    And, the number one sign you work for IBM...
    1 You think a "half-day" means leaving at 5 o'clock.

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    If automobiles had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics."
    1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash........ Twice a day.
    2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.
    3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.
    4. Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
    5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive ----- but would run on only five percent of the roads.
    6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light.
    7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.
    8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
    9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
    10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.

    The CEO was given a ticket for a performance of Schubert’s unfinished Symphony.  Since he was unable to go, he passed the invitation to the company’s Quality Assurance Manager. The next morning, the CEO asked him how he enjoyed it, and he was handed a report, which read as follows:

    For a considerable period, the oboe players had nothing to do. Their number should be reduced, and their work spread over the whole orchestra, thus avoiding peaks of inactivity.  All twelve violins were playing identical notes. This seems unnecessary duplication, and the staff of this section should be drastically cut.  If a large volume of sound is really required, this could be obtained through the use of an amplifier.  Much effort was involved in playing the demi-semiquavers. This seems an excessive refinement, and it is recommended that all notes should be rounded up to the nearest semiquaver.  If this were done, it would be possible to use trainees instead of craftsmen.

    No useful purpose is served by repeating with horns the passage that has already been handled by the strings.  If all such redundant passages were eliminated, the concert could be reduced from two hours to twenty minutes.

    In light of the above, one can conclude that if Schubert had had basic quality training including six sigma, lean composition and Prince 2, he would have completed a much more efficient symphony.

    from Paul Sloane

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